Jaundice.. Jaundice..

It was one crazy day. Crazy in the sense that I used to be so busy that I did not have time for myself. No time to eat properly.. no time to rest. My life was all convoluted among the classes, assignments, assessments, projects and deadlines. Yes.. my busier yet super fun Engineering days..  :). I came back from the school, tired and hungry. My dad asked - "What's the matter ? You look sick" I said - "I'm tired..  just want to go to bed".. "खोइ यता हेर त " Dad said "ओहो आँखा त पहेंलै भैसकेछ, जन्डिस भो जस्तो छ जचाँउन गैहाल्नुपर्छ" . I was not ready to get sick, had so many other things to do. However, my mom and dad both thought I had Jundice, and I had no option but to go with Daddy to the Piyush Barshi Aushadhalaya in Asan.. Dad started his old Hero Honda and I rode along..

I have heard a lot of good things about that clinic. My post does not mean to offense anyone or anything, but that day when we reached there, the main "baidhya" was out of country and there was his brother/ son (not sure who) looking at the patients. I still wonder if he even knew anything about what he was doing.  On my turn, after listening to me and my dad about how I was feeling, the color of my nails and eyes and all, he hit hard slightly above my abdomen. It was quite a strong punch with his fist and I went "अैssया" :D. "ल हेर कलेजो पुरै सुन्निसकेछ, कस्तो दुख्यो, जन्डिसको औषधी चलाइहल्नुपर्छ मुख पनि बार्नुहोला " I was furious but quiet. I so wished I could hit him back and ask him if that hurt.. which was just a wish..  He gave the pouches of black pills, very hard to swallow , some yucky powder and a list of  things I should and should not eat. 

I did not say anything to him, but fought with my dad, of course. Being a "घर साँढे बन बिरालो ",  that was all I could do. I did not want to eat those medicines and wanted to eat the chicken curry mom made for dinner. I fought and lost, had to eat the most tasteless medicines and some boiled insipid food.  :(  

However, deep-down my dad also had a feeling that the diagnosis was not done right. He was right there after all. And he decided to take me for the blood test next day. I had no choice but to go with him.  The blood report came normal and I officially had no Jaundice, although I did have to eat those medicines and food I hated until we got the blood report. Yes I did not have any jaundice,  I looked pale because of the fatigue and dehydration.  

Its been almost 8-9 years but whenever someone talks about jaundice I still remember the hard मुक्का I got. 

SLC Fuss

"All preparations for SLC exams completed: OCE" was the headline in one of the e-papers I visited today. My Facebook news-feed is full of messages to my cousins, nephews and nieces appearing for SLC from today. I wonder why, why SLC is treated as such a big thing, when the students have yet to appear for many bigger challenges and competitive exams in the days to come. 

I was in 8th grade, around 1997/98, when I realized I was going to appear for SLC pretty soon. The teachers/ my parents/ relatives who cared for me used to remind me everyday that SLC was coming, and I had to prepare for it well. I remember they used to say grade 8 to be the first step to reach to that iron gate. I, being a timid, fearful girl, used to be scared and stressed all the time thinking about SLC. I thought SLC was the biggest exam to take in life and I did not have to study after SLC at all, I thought college was just a place to go and hang out with friends. Back in those days, the most fascinating thing about college I thought was even if I failed any exam in College, I would not have to stay in the same class and I would not have to say "I failed" but would proudly say "ब्याक लाग्यो ". I thought that was a proud thing to say. Now I think how naive I was. 

The first day of my SLC exam was Baisakh 02, 2057 BS. I still remember how nervous I was. My mom used to do some pooja  and used to offer me some tika and dahi every morning. My relatives would call to wish me good luck. I dad used to drop me to the exam center, "Durbaar High School" and used to ask me to pray at Kamaladi Ganesh  every day. They were just trying to help, they all cared for me and as nervous as I was for my exam, but all those care and concern made me more nervous. 

I did not do that well in my SLC, the score was lower than I used to get in my sent-up and model exams. One of the reasons I think was the stress I took for all those years. 

After SLC, when I started studying further, I realized SLC was nothing but just an exam like any other exams. I do not know about other streams of +2 education in Nepal, but +2 in Science is indeed much more difficult than SLC.  As I started studying further, I realized that there were more challenging and competitive exams waiting for me and I had to excel on all of those, or I should say, try to excel. Everything I thought about college life, while being in school, was a myth, at least for me. 

I appeared for many other bigger exams even after my SLC, but my relatives did not call me every time. My mom did not feed me yogurt everytime and my dad used to give me a ride to the exam center only when it was Nepal-Bandh (He used to ride his Hero Honda even during the bandh day wearing his Press pass :D ). This was not because my parents and relative started caring less for me. 

During SLC exam, the news papers have the headlines about SLC news.  An old guy appearing for SLC with his grandchild makes a big news, so does a women giving birth to a baby in the examination hall.  Newspapers make a big deal of SLC, so do the parents, relatives, teachers, neighbors. Everyone fusses about SLC, which I think is not worth it. 

 This fuss, I think is making students stressed and desperate. I think it's not easy in Kathmandu to pass on the chits and copy from the books during the exam, I never witnessed it myself, but I have heard a lot about those unfortunate incidents outside of valley. The students themselves should be aware that exams are to judge their skills and knowledge, they do not have to pass the exams by any means, if they fail, there is always a next time. Students should themselves avoid the chits and cheating, but they are desperate to pass the exam.  I heard that some schools provide the cheating materials to students sometimes, they want their students to pass at any rate, and pass with distinction and/ or First division at least. Then they could use the stats of SLC passing students as a mean to attract new students and make more money. SLC and the merely 15 years old examinees are being used by the schools for their purpose. If the schools teach children to cheat, I am not sure what to expect when they become Doctors, Engineers, Bureaucrats and Politicians.

Although I really think SLC does not worth all the fuss, I would like to wish all the examinees the very best. Just be confident and answer everything carefully. ( My dad suggested also me to adorn the paper with margins and highlights :P). SLC is just another exam but it does start preparing you for many more exams to come. :).  Good luck. 

कहिले

कहिले 

नानाभाँती दशा हाम्रा कट्ने होलान् कहिले 
आकाशका काला बादल हट्ने होलान् कहिले 

शक्ति- सत्ता-धनकालागि जतिसुकै गिर्छौं हामी 
आफू मात्र हाँस्न अरु सारालाई पिर्छौं हामी
हाम्रा लोभ-लालसा यी घट्ने होलान् कहिले 
आकाशका काला बादल हट्ने होलान् कहिले

जगत सारा झिलिमिली हाम्रो घरमा बत्ती छैन
कोकोहोलो जताततै शान्ती एक-रत्ती छैन
सुख-खुशी यो घरमा अट्ने होलान् कहिले
आकाशका काला बादल हट्ने होलान् कहिले

नानाभाँती दशा हाम्रा कट्ने होलान् कहिले 
आकाशका काला बादल हट्ने होलान् कहिले  :(

Really Really old... but updated one.. भ्रष्टाचारै गर्ने मन त भाको होइन

गलत कामै गर्न भनी संसारमा आको होइन
बाध्य छु म, भ्रष्टाचारै गर्ने मन त भाको होइन

छोइ नसक्नु महँगी छ परिवार पाल्नै पर्‍यो
सबको डिमान्ड पुरा गर्न मैले पैसा फाल्नै पर्‍यो
चित्त सबको बुझाउन हो, त्यसै घुस खाको होइन
बाध्य छु म, भ्रष्टाचारै गर्ने मन त भाको होइन

सत्यवादी बन्न खोज्दा शत्रुमात्र धेरै पाएँ
बांगो बाटो हिंडे देखी मित्रै-मित्र पो बनाएँ
समाजैले भ्रष्ट पार्यो आँफैँ बुद्धी आको होइन
बाध्य छु म, भ्रष्टाचारै गर्ने मन त भाको होइन

महलबाट जेल डेरा सर्ने मन त भाको होइन
बाध्य छु म, भ्रष्टाचारै गर्ने मन त भाको होइन

:(

आज राती सुतिरहेका बेलामा कोही सुँक्क सुँक्क रोएको आवाज सुनें, ‘सपना राम्रो देखेन जस्तो छ’ हतार हतार उठेर बत्ती बाल्दै छोरोतिर हेरें, उ त मस्त निद्रा मैं रहेछ. ‘लौ न बूढा पो रुँदै छन् कि क्या हो लोग्ने मान्छे भएर’ भन्दै श्रीमान तिर हेरें, उनी नि मस्तै थिए. अब भने मेरो मन मा चिसो पस्यो, रुवाइको आवाज झन् झन् ठूलो बन्दै थियो. ‘ए बूढा!! उठ न,सुन न को रोइरा’ छ’  श्रीमानलाई झक्झक्याउँदै भनें; ‘ह्या डिस्टर्ब नगर न बिहान हेरम्ला’ भन्दै अर्को पट्टि फर्केर सुते उनी. मेरो भने मन मानिरहेको थिएन. डराई रहेको मनलाई मजबूत बनाउंदै म बाहिर निस्किएँ. त्यसरी रुने त मैले बारी भरी रोपेका सयपत्री फूल पो रहेछन. ‘लौ फूलपनि यसरी  आवाज निकालेर रुन सक्दा रहेछन , के पुगेन यिनीहरुलाई, पानी त दिई राखेकै थिएँ टाइम टाइममा’  आफैंसंग बोल्दै थिएँ, ती त झन् भक्कानिएर रुन थाले. ‘अब कुनै दिदी-बहिनीले दाजुभाइलाई सयपत्रीको  माला लगाई दिदैनन होला, अब कसैले माया गरेर हामीलाई रोप्दैनन  होला, हामी यो संसारबाट लोप हुने भयौं’ जीवन मा पहिलो पटक फूलहरुले बोलेको, रोएको देख्दै थिएँ म, बोट-बिरुवा पनि लिभिंग थिन्ग्स हुन् भनेर पढेको सम्झें, बोल्नै सक्लान जस्तो त कहिले लागेको थिएन !! “किन तेसो भन्छौ सयपत्री हो, यति राम्रा सयपत्री किन नरोप्नु,किन डराएका तिमीहरू ?” माया गरेर रोपेका फूलहरुलाई सुम्सुम्याउदै भनें. “तिमी त समाचार हेर्दिनौ जस्तो छ, हेर्यौ भने तिमीले पनि हामीलाई उखेलेर फालिदेलिउ” मेरा फूल मैं माथि खनिए.. “समाचार ?” “हो त, नेपालमा कुन दिदी बहिनी आफ्ना दाजुभाइलाई नेता जस्तो भएको हेर्न खोज्लान् ? भ्रष्ट, नालायक नेता भनाउँदाहरुले बिछट्टै मनपराएको मलाई कुन साधारण नेपालीले मनपराउलान ? प्लीज केहि गर, मलाई सर्व-साधारण नेपालीको गलामा सजिन देउ” मेरा फूल झन् रुन थाले, कहिले नबोल्ने, सधै हाँसिरहने अनि वातावरणलाई नै  हंसिलो बनाउने फूलहरुलाई पनि रुवाउन सक्ने हाम्रा नेता सम्झेर झन् रिस उठ्यो मलाई, तर आफ्नै रगत तताउनु सिवाय मैले गर्न नै के सक्थें र .. ‘नरोओ नानी हो, अब चुनाब आउँदैछ नि, तिमीहरुलाई रुवाउने सबैपार्टीका नेताले आफ्नु चुरीफुरी देखिहाल्छन्’ .. ‘त्यो चुनावपछि त झन् कति जना भ्रष्टहरुको गला सजाउनु पर्नेहो, भन्नु मात्र त हो चुनाव, उठ्ने यिनै होलान्’नेपालीको रगतमैं राजनीति हुन्छ रे भन्थे यी रगतै नहुने फूल नि अलि अलि राजनीति बुझ्दा रछन..अब मैले यिनीहरुलाई भन्ने केहि शब्द पाइन, एकछिन रुन्छन अनि थाक्छन भनेर भित्र पसें. बिहान हुने बित्तिकै सब फूल टिपेर फ्रिजमा राख्छु बरु, फेरी कुन नेता कताजान खोज्छ अनि उसका अरौटे भरौटे मेरा फूल लुट्न आए भने के गर्नु ?   

       

Last year's Deusi

"Did you read the article about female friendly toilets Rabindra Mishra wrote in today's Nagarik ? " I asked when we all met at Keshav dai and Goma bhauju's place last year. Most of the people present there had already read the article and we started talking about it. "मेल फ्रेन्ड्ली ट्वाइलेट त थिएन हाम्रो स्कुलमा, फिमेल फ्रेन्ड्ली" Hari dai said on own his witty way and everyone was adding his/her own story.

  Being lived in USA, our life has been so simplified in terms of such basic necessities. Wherever you go, you will not have to face a problem of not having a toilet or not having water in the toilet or things like that. If we tell the stories we experienced during our childhood to our kids, it will be hard for them to believe on those, if they are born and raised here, and those kids in Nepal, same aged as ours, are still facing the same challenges, same difficulties and same hurdles as we did decades ago. 

'नेताहरुको ढंग र बुद्धी नहोला तर ढंग र बुद्धी दुबै भएको विश्वास गर्ने हामी मध्यम र उच्च वर्गका नेपालीहरूले चाहिँ अधिकांश स्थितिमा आफैं ‘हिरो’ बन्ने बाहेक राष्ट्र निर्माणमा के योगदान पुर्यायौं एक पल्ट सोच्ने कि?'    The first paragraph in that article was enough to touch my heart. That article moved me from my inner self and some fellow NeSA (Nepalese Students Association at University of South Florida) members, we always had some aspiration to do something for the children in Nepal but we were not doing something in actual. On that day, NeSA decided to get united, get united with all the Nepalese community members, raise the fund as much as it can, and send the fund to Nepal to construct some Female friendly toilets in some remote schools in Nepal. We thought to reach to the most remote part of Nepal we can reach to, somewhere in Humla.

 Moreover, even for the fund raising, we did not want to make it just a fund raising program, we wanted to do something more fun, do something which brings our kids in USA one step closer to our culture and do something which just gives us a break from the mundane busy life we have, hence we decided to wait until Tihar, knock on every door of the Nepalese household on the community, sing and dance on our own Deusire song and raise the funds for our cause, savoring the delicious sel rotis and other assortment of rotis and mithais from each house.

 I was not able to join the Deusi troop physically, because I was expecting my baby on December, and going here and there with the Deusi troop could be exhausting for me, but did my best to manage the troop behind the scenes. Our NeSA members with their families and some friends did go to as many Nepalese door steps as they could and collected $1081.00 for the cause. It was a great achievement for us. However, the way of sending every penny to the little children in Nepal was the biggest problem in front of all of us. 

 We even thought about going through some of our own networks. However, none seem to work perfectly, we explored many, but only one seem to fit perfectly on our needs, our goals and our dreams, that was an organization called Help-Nepal Network (HeNN) , established by Mr. Rabindra Mishra, the writer whose influential article gave us the energy to come through this point. 

 None of us knew anyone from HeNN personally, but on today's world knowing people and communicating with them is no big deal at all. We communicated with them and delighted to know that they not only take our money to do our projects of constructing the toilets but also if the funds shortfall took place, HeNN would put the money provided by some other source/donors to complete the project. When we were having the conference call, they indicated that places like Humla being very far from the capital, could be very difficult to administer the projects, and they could be expensive as well. Hence, unless we could appoint someone just to manage the school project, which we could not afford, having a school project in Humla was next to Impossible. 

 After we first talked, HeNN friends did some research too, and they found out that Shree Bishnu Secondary School, located at Gaimudi, Dolakha was in a pretty bad shape.

When we looked at these photos, we had an inner urge to go ahead and help this school. And, we decided to do so. NeSA had total $1500 including every penny it had, and we decided to send it all, for those little children in Dolakha. The money we sent was very little to build the whole school building and the toilets, but HeNN started the project of reconstruction of the school. They started building a toilet and a building with two rooms with the money we sent (the shortfall being met by HeNN). The building construction is not done yet. A two room building for a secondary school, well, that was what we were able to make. The toilet construction is done. I hope no teenage girl has to miss the classes now during her menstrual periods. I hope the children will now learn health and hygiene is as important as education in one's life.

 











I am just thinking how happy we all will be when Rabindra jee sends the confirmation email of the project completion, with the pictures of school building, and the pictures of the happy little children around. I am thinking how much satisfaction will it give, when we fund raise again this year, send money to Nepal and help another school somewhere else, to bring smiles all over on the faces of some other children on some other place of Nepal. 

 (Writer is the founder General Secretary and current  Adviser of NeSA)

रुन सक्दिन म

हिक्का छुट्छ मुटुभित्र, रुन सक्दिन म
मेरो देशका मयलहरु, धुन सक्दिन म

एक ढिक्का हुनुपर्ने देश चिर्ने कुरा गर्छन
जात-भात भन्दै धेरै तल गिर्ने कुरा गर्छन
भड्किएका मान्छेको मन, छुन सक्दिन म
हिक्का छुट्छ मुटुभित्र, रुन सक्दिन म

दाजुभाइ दाजुभाइलाई काट्छु भन्छन अरे
 कोहि त अझ आलो रगत चाटछु भन्छन अरे
 यस्तो सुनी बेफिक्री नी, हुन सक्दिन म
हिक्का छुट्छ मुटुभित्र, रुन सक्दिन म

 सबै हामी नेपाली हौँ भनाइ दिएहुन्थ्यो
 मेरो देशलाई शान्तिभूमि बनाइ दिएहुन्थ्यो
 कसैले त्यो गरे हुन्थ्यो, जुन सक्दिन म
 हिक्का छुट्छ मुटुभित्र रुन सक्दिन म

मेरो देशको तनका मयल, धुन सक्दिन म
मुटुभित्र हिक्का छुट्छ, रुन सक्दिन म !!
हिक्का छुट्छ मुटुभित्र रुन सक्दिन म!!

कविता

बाबु, तिमी ठूलो भएपछि मलाई सोध्लाउ
"आमा ! तिम्रो देश कस्तो छ ?"
म भनुँला
"डाँडा-काँडा, नदी-नालाले भरिएको
झलमल्ल हिमालले सजिएको
एकबाजी आएर घर फर्कन बसन्त भुल्छ जहाँ [1]
हर आँखामा लाली-गुराँस हत्केलामा सुनगाभा फुल्छ जहाँ[2]
सानु छ तर अनमोल मोती जस्तो छ[3]
मेरो प्यारो देश साँच्चै स्वर्ग जस्तो छ "

अनि तिमी मैले वर्णन गरेको देश खोज्दै जाउला
मुटु भरी रहरहरु पाल्दै पोस्दै जाउला
तर,
प्रदूषित भैसकेका नदी-नाला देख्छौ जब
जताततै फोहरै- फोहरमा टेक्छौ जब
सगरमाथाको शिर लज्जाले झुकेको पाउँछौ
प्रत्येक मन पीडाले दुखेको पाउँछौ

तिमी आफ्नी आमाबारे के सोच्लाउ तब
तिमी उसको देशबारे के सोच्लाउ तब

बरु तिमी मलाई कहिले नसोध्नु
"आमा तिम्रो देश कस्तो छ?" भनेर
म सत्य बोल्न सक्दिन
"मेरो देश खोइ कस्तो कस्तो छ" भनेर
म झुटो भन्न सक्दिन
"मेरो देश स्वर्ग जस्तो छ" भनेर!!


[1] : "मेरो देश" - भूपी शेरचन
[२]: "आँखामा लालीगुराँश हत्केलामा सुनगाभा " - मोहन हिमांशु थापा
[३]: "के नेपाल सानो छ ?" - लक्ष्मीप्रसाद देवकोटा

गलत लाग्छ मलाई मेरो देशको इतिहास

'Bhupi' is always the best. I am posting this poem of his, which exactly depicts whatever I am feeling right now.

गलत लाग्छ मलाई मेरो देशको इतिहास
जब म
यी भोकमा डुबेका चोकहरुमा
यी वैलाएका कलीजस्ता गल्लीहरुमा
हेर्छु एक-दुइ दिन बसेर बास
तब मलाई गलत लाग्छ
मेरो देशको इतिहास


यो बाटोमा बीचमा माटो खनेर
बसेका देवताहरु
यो बुझेर पनि लाटो बनेर
बसेका देवताहरु
यो बुझेर पनि लाटो बनेर
बसेका मानिसहरु
यी भूकम्पपीडित मन्दिर
र
ढल्केका गजूरहरु
यी सालिक बनेर दोबाटोमा
उभिएका हजूरहरु
जब देख्छु म यी सबलाई
सधै त्यहीं सधै उस्तै र
सधै एकनास
तब मलाई गलत लाग्छ
मेरो हुरीको इतिहास
जब म
असङ्ख्य सीताहरुलाई सधै
बाटो-दोबाटोमा,
गल्ली-गल्लीमा,
देश-विदेशमा,
यूक्लिप्टसका रुखझै नङ्ग्याइएको देख्छु
अनि जब देख्छु असङ्ख्य भीमसेन थापाहरुलाई
निस्पन्द, निश्चल, शिथिल, चुपचाप उभिएका
आफ्नो आत्माको गीत मारेर
कल्कीका बोटझै
दुबै हात तल झारेर
तब मलाई गरुँ-गरुँ झै लाग्छ
आफ्नो रगतको उपहास
जब म
यी भोकमा डुबेका चोकहरुमा
यी वैलाएका कलीजस्ता गल्लीहरुमा
हेर्छु एक-दुइ दिन बसेर
तब मलाई गलत लाग्छ
मेरो देशको इतिहास
सुन्छु अमरसिंह काँगडासम्म बढेको कुरा
सुन्छु तेन्जिङले सगरमाथा चढेको कुरा
सुन्छु बुद्धले धरामा शान्तिको बीउ छरेको कुरा
सुन्छु अर्निकोको कलाले विश्व-मन हरेको कुरा
सुन्छु सधै सुन्छु र केवल सुन्छु
तर मलाइ हुँदैन विश्वास
जब म
यी भोकमा डुबेका चोकहरुमा
यी वैलाएका कलीजस्ता गल्लीहरुमा
हेर्छु एक-दुइ दिन बसेर बास
तब मलाई गलत लाग्छ
मेरो देशको इतिहास
यो मेरो सत्य इतिहास ।
(२०१७-चिराक) via http://onlinesahitya.com/node/191